Death, and Jealously


We’re all going to die.  Yup, it’s true, we are.  Some sooner than others, some peacefuller than others.  I just wanted to tell everyone, that I’m not scared of dying.  Not one bit.  In all honesty, I’m fucking jealous.  Jealous that while I’m in heaven, hopefully, everyone else will be in line at Starbucks ordering their Venti Chai Lattes.  They’ll get to see the Sun rise the next day, I won’t.  They’ll get to see the Sun set too, I won’t.  I’m jealous.  Now, if everyone dies, I’m cool with that.  I just can’t fathom the idea of the world continuing to go on with me not on it.  It’s not fair.  I don’t care that I don’t know what’s on the other side, whatever it is, I’ll get used to it.  I moved halfway across the country without knowing a single soul, found my roommates off Craig’s List – I think I can handle the other side.  Now that I think about it, you could say I’m greedy.  You know what?  You’re absolutely right.  I’m greedy as hell!  I’m greedy and jealous.  If I have to go, everyone else better go with me.  Sadly, I think this is the feeling that most of us experience, we just don’t know it.  We confuse being greedy & jealous with being scared.  We’re not scared of dying, we’re fucking jealous, jealous and greedy…and on that note, Happy New Year!!


Why Here, Why Now.


It’s 11:27p on Christmas night.  I have work tomorrow.  I have to be up around 6:30a, and I hate it when I get anything under 8 hours of sleep.  Man, I’m going to be cranky tomorrow morning.  But before I go to bed, I wanted to set this up.  First time doing something like this, but I’ve thought about it for awhile.  See, I like to write.  Weird, never thought I’d say that, but I do.  I went to school to become a businessman, a numbers-man.  Never gave the creative world a thought, always thought it was pointless, but here I am – hoping, praying, that the script I submitted to the Blacklist gets rave reviews.  It won’t.  How do I know?  Because it’s me.  I’ll get a 6, maybe a 7.  But I like to write.  I don’t know why, just do.  Maybe because I love pressing the buttons on my fancy Mac, hearing the clicks of the keyboard.  No clue, I just do.  I have a lot of thoughts pass through this head of mine, and I decided this would be the most appropriate medium for me to express myself, to keep a public track record.  So there, now you know.